I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Well I just put wine in my tea
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
