ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
