i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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