The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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