I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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