I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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