he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
