I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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