DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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