He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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