I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
