oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
