Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
