omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
