i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
