I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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