it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
