My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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