atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
