you win again, gameday.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
