I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
