as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
