im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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