you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
