you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
