I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
