I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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