He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
