the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
