Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
