he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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