I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
