How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
barbara walters just said penis...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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