I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just googled if crying burns calories
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
