dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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