somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
