I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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