Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
it hurts more in the daytime
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
