The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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