I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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