Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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