I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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