for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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