Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
are you still at the devil's house?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
