my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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