your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
