Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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