happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
