Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
