I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
