Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
