i wish peter jackson would direct porn
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
