I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
