I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
